Eben Freeman's Birth Story

As a birth doula, I have had the honor to assist many women in their labors and births over the last 3.5 years.  Our bodies and our babies work together to create one of the most incredible miracles we as humans get to witness and be a part of.  I know that as women our bodies are made to give birth.  I know that.  And I’ve seen it many times.  Going into my own birth, I came to expect nothing less.  I was given quite the ride, and now feel really blessed with so much birth experience.  Tim and I feel I was given 4 labors in one. This is the story of my 56 hour (active!) labor.

Labor #1                                                                  

On May 2, at 5:30 in the morning, my water broke.  Not completely sure if this was the case, I decided to go back to sleep...just in case this was really it.  I thought I could use all the rest I could get.  At 9am I woke up and realized this is IT.  It felt like the perfect start to a labor: a full night’s rest, even sleeping in!  I took a nice long shower, ate a hearty breakfast and called Tim, my midwife and my doula telling them my baby was on the way.

My contractions began to become consistent around the time Tim came home from work. (Time: 12:30p) These contractions were also surprisingly close together, already 2.5 minutes apart.  By the next hour or two, I needed to concentrate through them.  These were all the signs of a progressing labor!  And it was happening so quickly!  Surely, this little boy would be born sometime that night.

I labored all afternoon and evening with a great team around me.  Tim labored in the birth tub with me.  My doula was beside me; my midwife and her birthing assistant were around. 

But then by night fall, anything I would try to eat would not stay down.  I labored all night without eating or even dozing.  My contractions were so intense I had even considered a hospital transfer.  Surely, not all labors felt this intense.  Or did they?

Some reasons my contractions were so intense was 1: My bladder was completely full and I could not physically relieve it. 2: Baby’s position was not quite right.  He was not completely aligned to come down with ease.  This phase of labor was the only time I felt ‘I cannot do this anymore’.  Tears came to my eyes and doubt filled my heart and mind.  I was so sure I was in transition!  (As that’s usually the time when the mama in labor has her ‘I can’t do it anymore moment’.)  My midwife checked me again.  No progress.

I was willing to do ANYTHING to help this little guy come down.  So I let Kristen try to stretch my cervix.  This was the most intense pain I think I might have felt in my entire life.  After a few minutes of us working on this, it still wasn’t going anywhere.  I remembered the book I had read early in pregnancy, Supernatural Childbirth.  It was the testimony of a woman being so immersed in The Glory that she had painless births.  This was so not happening to me!  But, I do have to say during this time I had some really intense contractions that I laughed through!  Tim was beside me, praying over me.  I joined him and the Spirit took over.  Instead of praying through a few of the following contractions, the Holy Spirit had us laughing together uncontrollably through them!  Holy Spirit knew what we needed, and it was encouragement and an increase of trust in the Lord.  I was reminded that Jesus had my back, and to listen and trust my body.  (Here's a photo of me laughing through my contractions!)

I soon got on the bed into the ‘Polar Bear Pose’ (similar to the this pose) with hopes that baby would sink deeper into my pelvis.  This is also when I let Kristen try to manually turn Eben.  Yep, it’s exactly what you’re thinking.  Thankfully, this was not as painful as her trying to stretch my cervix.  And thankfully it did something!  I could immediately pee!  It was like the intensity was drained out of me.  Then Tim’s favorite part of the story happened...Kristen got out her Rebozo!  A Rebozo is a traditional Mexican shawl long enough to wrap around a woman’s body.    It’s a tool to assist the mother into various positions and relaxation.  I lay propped up on pillows, stomach down, on the bed.  She then performed what is called ‘Rebozo sifting’, which also helped my baby shift a bit.  This did help my muscles relax quite a bit.  It felt amazing!

Labor #2

This is when Kristen asked me if I would like to consider a hospital transfer.  With no food or sleep in my system, everyone was worried about my strength.  It had also been six hours of no progression.  I felt in my spirit that I was supposed to continue laboring at home.  My son’s heart rate was still 145 (perfect!) and my blood pressure was great.  So why not keep going?  My contractions were now so much more manageable and I really felt like my son was to be born in our little Brooklyn studio.

After 12 hours now of active labor, I felt relief.  I felt like I could totally manage this and keep going.  And I did.  I did continue to vomit and I still couldn’t rest enough to sleep, but I kept going, all day.   Around 1pm I was starting to feel very exhausted, and there was still no progression.  There was more birth tub, more squatting, more polar bear positions, more showers and no progress.   I even did a little pushing in coordinating with Kristen stretching my cervix (still VERY painful) and no progress.

Tim called in the troops.  Two girlfriends dear to me showed up at the door.  We were all so happy to see fresh faces!  Ester and Rachael walked in with confidence, faith and encouragement.  They sat around me with smiles and brought  prayer over me.  It’s what I needed most.  It’s also what the birth team needed most.  This allowed everyone else to break, eat and refresh themselves while Ester and Rachael sat with me.

I continued to labor with high hopes.  Around 6pm a hospital transfer was brought up again.  I still hadn’t progressed.  I know had to know how far along I was (as I never wanted to know up until now).  Ready for this?  6cm.  ONLY 6cm after 33 hours of ACTIVE labor.  I was shocked, and ready to really turn up the heat.  Tim and I asked to be able to labor for 2 more hours before really considering it.  This is when we walked up and down the hallways of our apartment building...and climbed the shit out of some stairs.  Kristen checked me when we returned from our jaunt and still no change.

We decided it would be best to do a hospital transfer with hopes to still have a vaginal birth.  If I waited it out and it hit midnight with still no progress, I would most likely have to transfer somewhere close for an immediate C-section.  If I transferred now to Nassau Medical Center, I would be in care of midwives and I could get an epidural so that I could get some rest—and so my body could get the rest it needed to have this baby.  I could be given the chance to still have this baby vaginally. 

It was a hard decision.  All this work and all this desire to have our baby safely at home had to be packed away.  The only way was to move forward, and surrender.  So we packed our hospital bags (something we hadn’t yet done), cleaned up a bit, tore the birthing tub down, and loaded up in Kristen’s car to Nassau Medical Center on Long Island.

Labor #3

I know car rides while being in labor are the absolute worst.  This was actually one of the many factors I wanted to have my baby at home.  And it really was the worst.  My labor really picked up so much we all thought my baby was going to be born on the way, which was all fine with us.  Our midwife had all her supplies in the car, and if he came, we could all go home!  But after a 40 minute car ride we had arrived with baby still in my belly.  I was so ready for this epidural.

I was put into care of some of the best midwives.  These midwives also attended home births, so we were all on the same page.  My midwife, Kristen, also got to stay with me and continue being my ‘sole’ care provider.  The first 6 hours of my epidural I could feel and move my legs, and still needed to be moving around to work through my contractions.  I sat up and rocked and I had my doula help me get on my hands and knees on the hospital bed.  At first I was glad I was still able to move around and feel my contractions.  Then it hit me:  I am not here to exert energy towards my labor; I am here to get some rest. 

We had to practically beg the anesthesiologist to give me a top off.  Before she gave me a small dose, she looked at me and said ‘This is labor, so you’re going to feel something’.  Oh, this was so frustrating to hear!  I know she had no idea that I had been in active labor for over 40 hours now, and I had felt every single contraction for two days.  I grit my teeth and responded ‘please just give me the medicine.’

We had to wait for a shift change for a better dose.  This anesthesiologist was so much better.  I was finally able to sleep with the dose he gave me!  (He also explained each medication he was giving me so Tim could write it down, which I really appreciated.)  This sleep was heavenly!  The first time I had slept in over 40 hours.  It turns out my body really did need rest, as my uterus was only contracting 80%.  It had been working so long it no longer had the strength to do the job it was designed to do.  It was then they started to administer Pitocin.  I remembered towards the end of laboring at home saying ‘my stomach feels tired’.  And now it made sense.  It’s because it was.

After laboring 18 hours with an epidural, I was only 8cm.  Now was the dreaded idea that was mentioned for the first time: cesarean.  It needed to be considered.  My heart sank!  Why wasn’t my body doing what it was designed to do?  I wanted more time.  I asked for four more hours.  For those four hours I had my doula and one of the midwives rotate me into a different position every 20 minutes.  I had hopes that the movement would help open my pelvis.  After 1.5 hours of this, and still no progression we just prayed.  I squatted on the hospital bed with Tim behind me, clutching his fingers tight.  We had worship music on and praised the Lord along with it.  We commanded in Jesus name for my cervix to open up and soften.  We commanded in Jesus name for my uterus to contract 100%...110%!  We texted many people asking for their prayers in this time.  We were still believing.

Four hours was up.  I was still only 8cm.  We knew we had to do it.  We weren’t sure why we had to have a cesarean, but we knew we had to.  Right after I had agreed to do the procedure, Tim had told me he just received a text message from one of our Pastors.  He had been praying for us on Friday (the day I went into labor.  It was now Sunday evening.) He felt the Lord tell him I was going to have a C-section, but that everyone was going to be ok.  My heart needed this!  Did it make the decision any easier?  Maybe a little, but it still sucked.  But the confirmation that it was no doubt the right decision, and the fact that Eben and I were going to be ok, settled well with me.

We asked for some time to be able to accept such an outcome, and to mourn the birth we both wanted for me and Eben.  Everyone left Tim and me alone in our room for a good while.   I’m so thankful for this time.  Tim and I sat on the hospital bed holding one another and just cried.  We prayed.  And we cried.  Hard.  We needed that.  We needed that to be able to continue to the last step in this crazy labor journey.

Labor #4

Once we accepted the surgery was going to happen, the reality that we were finally going to meet our son in less than a few hours really excited us.  I was blessed to have an amazing surgery team.  The OB introduced himself to me and told me he was sorry I didn’t get the birth I had wanted, but I will be able to have vaginal births in the future.  Each introduced themselves to me before they began, and they made good quick work.  They even let my midwife Kristen, who had been there all 56 hours, as well as the hospital midwife who took such good care of me, into surgery with me.  Tim was on the left of me, both midwives were at my head.  I was not alone, as I had not been all 56 hours, and I was thankful.

At 10:30 pm on Sunday May 4, 2014 I heard my son for the first time.  He let out a wail as they pulled him out, and I followed with an equally loud shout ‘HE’S HERE!’  My heart dropped into my stomach and tears welled up in my eyes.  This is what I have been working for the last 3 days!

They had to immediately take my baby to the ‘pediatrician bassinet’ (protocol) across the room.  Tim was right behind them.  With no time to waste, Tim put his hand on our little son and started talking to him.  He stopped crying that instant.  Way to make a mama’s heart melt!  My son and my love of my life already had a bond.  Our son remembers his voice.  It was going to be ok.

Tim was finally able to bring our baby over to me and place him on my chest.  This was the first time I am seeing my son, and I’m automatically in love.  He doesn’t cry.  We deeply stare into one another’s eyes, taking each other in. I’m thinking ‘it’s really him!’  I wonder if he thought that about me.

Thank you Kristen, for your patience, endurance and calm presence.  Thank you for your strength.  Thank you Anne, for your support and encouragement, as well as for your patience with the birthing process.  Thank you Sophie for all your help, for being behind the scenes.  We couldn’t have gone through all 36 hours of active labor at home so gracefully without you.  Thank you Rachael and Ester for dropping everything and coming over right away to shower me with prayers.  Thank you Brianne for your prayers and pep talk over the phone, over 500 miles away.  Thank you Joni and Susan for having faith in me and never mentioning the word ‘C-section’.  Thank you for taking care of me and giving me back that spark to want to help women once again in their labors and births.  Thank you everyone who in response to all our texts, supported us through prayer and encouragement.  And most of all, thank you sweet husband of mine.  Tim, you were my rock and strength throughout all three days, more than you realize.  Thank you for believing in me and pushing me to continue on, speaking words of truth, wisdom and love over me.  Thank you for hanging in there beside me.  I know I took you through quite a ride.

And finally, welcome Eben Freeman!  After 56 hours of trying to come out of me, our son is ok.  He is more than ok.   This is where we got the name Eben, which means Rock.  He was so strong the entire time in labor.  He’s as strong as a rock.  Tim and I also feel he is made for hard decisions, and will be that rock in needed times.  Freeman comes from Tim and me declaring Eben’s freedom in Christ!  And on a lighter side...he was no longer stuck, we was a free man!

(Eben’s ‘badge of honor’ for holding strong all 56 hours!  Don’t worry, his head has shaped out beautifully!)

Side Note: though we’re not positive, there’s a good possibility that Eben was asynclitic.  This could have been a reason why he was having trouble descending.  For more information on maneuvers that can help with asyncliticism, please see this incredibly helpful article from Spinning Babies.